I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
