where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
