I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
