i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
