It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
