i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
