I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
