Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
