Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
