I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
