He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
