Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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