this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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