I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
