evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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