yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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