party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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