Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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