Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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