Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
