I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
