You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
