If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
