I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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