Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
