my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
