Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
