I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
