you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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