apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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