omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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