I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
