You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
