Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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