just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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