Umm I'm too high to move.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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