So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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