goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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