I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
