dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
