True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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