Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
