last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize