I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
