I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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