You really coming over, don't trick.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
