I need help removing her.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
