goodnight i made you a song goodbye
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
