I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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