Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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