Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
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I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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