He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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