You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
