Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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