Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
