worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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