1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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