you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
