Don't make out with my wife yet
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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