If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
