The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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