There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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