cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
