So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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