I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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