Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
