this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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