I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
