BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
