So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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