I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
