I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
