That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
