Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
