he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize