I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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