I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
