First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
His hands were made for my vagina.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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