my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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