Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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