before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We are two peas in an std pod
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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