no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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