I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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