I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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