I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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